Have questions? Talk to me: Contact

I am happy to offer a free 15-minute phone consultation, so we can talk over your situation and how I might be of help. Call me at 510-290-8297, or send me an email: dan@danquinn.info.

Note: I'm excited to announce a new group for both men and women, which I will co-lead with Yael Stiles, LCSW.

Our groups are great ways to find friendly fellowship, and have the kinds of important conversations that are often missing from our lives.

Maybe the most exciting element is the way that groups act as laboratories, where each member has a chance to experiment with new ways of talking and listening, help others do the same, and make lasting changes in their lives.

What do we do, what do we talk about? Often group members are grappling with challenges in their relationships with partners, or navigating a new relationship or a divorce, and we often work on conflicts that come up in the workplace. We work at identifying each member's communication patterns, what works and what doesn’t, and we team up to change them in the way that the member  wants to change them.

Groups are ongoing, meet weekly, and vary in size between about 6 to 8 members. New members just commit to a trial period of six weeks, so that you will have a chance to make sure this is the group for you. (Once they’ve gotten this experience of the group, people usually decide to stay.)

Mens Groups
  • "I have been involved in these kind of groups for 20 years, and I can say with absolute certainty that no one, no one, has had the kind of impact on me that Dan has had."
  • "The level of communication between my wife and me has improved several-fold as a direct result of the work I have done in our men’s group."
  • "Many thanks for your reflective, thoughtful nature and insight, which I have found so comforting. Good work."
  • "For many years Dan Quinn has been working to help men around the Bay Area learn to communicate their needs and their requests with increased clarity and effectiveness, resulting in improved relationships, stronger communities, and a more satisfying life. I have known Dr. Quinn as a personal mentor and a group leader, having been a member of one of his men's groups for 3 years. I cannot say enough about his skill, dedication, wisdom, compassion and intense focus on meeting the client's needs. He is wise, funny, warm, supportive and challenging. Quite simply, If you work together with him your life will be changed."
  • "It has been a profound blessing for me to work with Dan."
  • “There is nothing more interesting than a wall behind which something is happening.” Victor Hugo
 

One guy who wouldn't be afraid to get therapy

 

I was wrapped in a towel, standing in front of a mirror at the gym shaving, and I asked the guy standing next to me how he was doing. "Not so good." We hadn't talked much before. "Really? What's going on?"

"I came home last night and found my wife in bed with another woman." We talked for a few more minutes. He was shocked, grieving more than anything, confused. So I asked him, "Have you got a therapist you can talk to?"

"Oh," he replied, "Things aren't THAT bad."

Wow. How bad do things have to get? Individual therapy often pulls in men who are out of options: to save or get out of a marriage, to stop blowing up before they lose their jobs, to stop being anxious so much they are miserable, or to combat a downward spiral of depression. It's kind of like an addict hitting bottom – it usually has to get really bad.

Guys will often come into men's groups because they want to find men they can "talk to about more than football."

But men who want to see their careers take off, or get better at loving their partners or kids, or figure out how to live with more meaning or happiness? Less likely to come to therapy. I think they're missing an important opportunity, because I see those things happen all the time for the guys who do come in.

But why do guys avoid it? The research identifies a number of factors (and we're conducting a study now, so watch this space), but I'm pretty sure it's usually because they're embarrassed that they want help. Men in our culture are placed under enormous pressure to appear strong, and the swift punishment for any sign of weakness is often a public humiliation. In many cases, it takes a brave man to get past the macho pressure and call a therapist. It's like the old cliche of stopping to ask for directions.

Therapy is an adventure.  The irony is that men often find that it's their fear of being embarrassed that's holding them back in many areas of their lives. And what's maddening is that therapy is really good at helping LOSE that fear of taking chances, thatfear of being embarrassed.

Psychoanalyst Tom Richardson, Ph.D., tells me he wants to erect a big statue of Goofy in his office, as a reminder that the most successful people make mistakes all the time. I think it's Goofy phobia that's holding back so, so many men. Ayup!

"Think of what we typically ask a man to do in therapy settings: recognize that something is wrong with him, admit that he needs help, openly discuss and express his emotions, get vulnerable, and depend on someone else for guidance and support—all extremely challenging tasks in Guy World." (David Wexler, Ph.D., in Psychotherapy Networker)

 

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